what is wrong with me....i'm sorry...

Words are so hurtful...i wouldnt even say them to my worst enemy...but i said it to my close family member...i'm sorry...

nothing much...just horrible results....but there is still hope..i think...

yo yo..haha..well i got back like half of my papers and all and i dont like what i am seeing...haiz..cant say i havent expected the 1st week results to be bad..i mean i hardly got my engine started and all..so it si justified i guess but hey hopefully the second week's results will pull me up...got CCD so like haiz..but nvm..i know what i have to do...and i know where i have to go so its ok...

Anyway...thank my didi for staying up to tell me stories..although you were sick...you still stayed up..thanks man...really interesting...hmm...better stop talking b4 i accidentally purposely reveal stuff...hehe...just kidding...=))

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

interesting sermon today...but almost fell asleep...really too tired i guess...lyrics to josh's new song...

yo ppl of the world...what's up...ahah...i guess these few days have really been boring..nothing much to do..i guess that just goes to show i have no life..no lah..actually i do..it is just kinda hard when like most of my friends are either muggin hard for their promos or too lazy to come out..haiz..some have even started mugging for their Alvls again..like huh..talk about a mugger culture..so hey been like reading up on singing techniques and practicing..just been bored lor..that's all...the only solace i ahve is talking to my friends via sms...i mean like my house is so far in and if i were to go to their houses it would be so inconvienient so sms has been in large part a life saver..hehe..sorry to all my friends who i have been bothering these past few days..but hey at least you know that one person has breathe easier because you lived(ralph waldo emerson for those ninnies out there who have not idea waht the heck that was abt..)

Anyway, i digress...today's sermon was abt choices...how making the right choices in god can ultimately help...i was really just so exhausted and that i feel like i can sleep standing up..so i was like half asleep for half of the sermon..really bad i know..but haiz...really tried to keep awake...anyway..the impt thing was the sermon was really apt for me...i have been gulity on too many occasions of making the wrong choices...especially in my words..how often have i hurt someone with my words and then come to regret it afterwards...this yr alone..haiz...dont even feel like counting..but more imptly i have been going abt solvin prob the wrong way..the pastor said that when we try to wriggle out of probs our way more often then not, we will end up more tangled up...that's jsut the truth...i guess things are best left in god's hands...always...

you must be wondering why i have been so tired to fall asleep in church...haiz..the thing is with all these spare time i have started to think about stupid things that start to question my mentality...(not those kind of things..or not questioning my faith) for example, i am a person who has, from young, had close friends who are mostly christians, one way or another...this is certainly not the case in JC, i mean of my closest friends..i guess only less then half are christians...so like now i kinda bad at consoling pple cause like i keep bring in god..but honestly...it is the way things should be..but to my non believing friends i have undoubtly caused lots of awkwardness..of which i must apologise..but i believe that one day they will all come to the saving knowledge of chirst..not saying it will be easy but hey...god has his plans...he allows things to happen...sometimes the most horrible of things that you can imagine..in the form of sickness...or anything in fact..emotional torture...like the torment i felt a week ago...it was for a reason..i think after that for the second week of examinations i was able to concentrate better and was more relaxed...not sure abt the results but i certainly enjoyed the second week more..plus, i made a "new"friend... thanks to god...no doubt of it...so may be if you are going through a tough time now...its god's way of preparing you and making you a better person...sorry i'm going all "holy" on you guys..but this is waht i truly believe..i know that when his purpose is fulfilled you will realise that i was for the better...

lastly like to leave with you all with the words from josh groban's new song, you are loved(dont give up)..to all those out there who are feelin down..hurt or emo..or whatever...know that you are loved by someone out there...
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When you’re heart’s heavy I’ll - I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I’ll – I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside I – I’ll be there to find you
Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I – I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

(You are loved)
You are loved
(You are loved)
Don’t give up
(Don’t give up)
It’s just the weight of the world
(You are loved)
Don’t give up
(Don’t give up)
Everyone needs to be heard
(Don’t give up)
You are loved
(You are loved)

just like to wish all the J2s all the best for your results...haah..and for the J1s...work hard lor...1 more wk after that it's play for you guys...keep you all in my prayers...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

josh new cd coming out....oh my....wow...a brother's prayer....

yo yo...feel great recently ahaha....finished my prelims and more imptly josh groban's new cd and single are out...WHOOOOO!O!!!!oh my just cant wait for "awake" to come out...wow...nov 7 i mean like his new single is titled "you are loved(don't give up)" sounds abit hoobstank type if you ask me,....the words are nice as is the melody but the thing is that together they feel just so unjosh....i guess ahah...i should be a good judge considering i have listened to all his recordings avaliable to man..hah...but i think he is choosing a new cooler direction..i guess...but his voice is less opera but still all the more touching he has reached a new maturity with his timbre and got better control..but who really cares just like josh groban sound...hahah...but i guess the success of the new album will be interesting to see...cause he roped in bands like imogen heap..so hey..hmm....i wonder...haha...i guess its really cool...but still cant wait...

http://www.joshgroban.com/main_news_frame.html

for my little bro, hang in there man...it will get better i can assure you that..things look impossible now but hey no one said getting ill was fun...but the truth is that i know..for a certainty...100%...i will see you back in school on tues...i just know...the headaches may get worst...but perserve bro...regardless i'll keep you in my prayers...everything will work out fine...just dont give up...

finally....mixed feelings i guess.....worried...but not for the results..

haah....yoo....the prelims are finally over..i guess i did my best and results are not in my hands anymore..but oh well..haha...glad it is over....haiz...but recently a best mate of my fell ill....haiz...just feel kinda helplesss...wish i could be there for him..but haiz....my prayers will be with you...get well soon...

just broke a promise...haiz...let a certain someone down...sorry..that's all i can say..how can i make it up to you.....haiz....

PEace....and a new beginning,...

Smile.....all is forgiven....welcome home bro....just glad to have you back...

Weird dreams...opera singers....what do you make of it...

yo yo, hahaah...how has the world been for you all... i guess it wasnt so bad ytd(note the emphasis on not so bad), but hey it was an improvement. i did something that i should have done a long time ago, but glad i did it...but still it doesnt explain the weird dreams i have been havin lately...about leaving and losing it all...i guess it still weighs on my mind....horrible dreams that keep repeating..the leaving then the loss, over and over again..worst still...i dont even know the reason, just that i should not doubt....how do you solve a prob that you dotn know the root cause of...trust me the worst kind of truth is the half truth, where you know only specks of information...nothing in the world can be worst then that...really...nothing...so stick it to me...plus by not telling you are not giving me an opportunity to defend my case or clear up any misunderstandings...if misunderstandings could be figured out by the individual alone, then the wouldn't be called misunderstandings right? I know i promised that i wouldnt breach this topic and all..my only hope is that you read this and understand, i am not doubting you or anything even close..but your actions have a greater and more detrimental effect then you think....the direct tell all approach is better...if it is difficult for you just say, at least i can be there to share the burden or pain, now we are both bearing different burdens and the load is twice as heavy this way, however that makes sense. If you mantain silence you are not only hurting yourself but also the ppl around you who care...facing the prob head on is the only way to solve it not drown yourself in academics or what not....remember....but most imptly,if there is anything that i can do to change the situation pls tell me...i maybe a bigger help then you know,...

Anyway, enough of all this...i just wanted to say the truth for what it is, not because i do not believe in our friendship(if there is any left) but because i believe that there is something worth fighting for..so the ball is in your court, you can share and we'll overcome whatever it is together or you can hold me at emotional ransom...i'll give you time...but that doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt me to do that...that is something i believe you understand...

Sorry...on to my second topic...i have recently been doing research on several opera singers present and past...haha..found out lots of interesting stuff about them and of course became fans of several of them...haha....but i must say the most notable one is 19 yr old soprano, Hayley Westenra...like wow that girl can sing good...her control in classical pieces is amazing for someone so young..her benedictus is wow....she can reach high A effortlessly...like wow...and her voice is super calm...but then on the other spectrum, charlotte church has become quite a whore..i mean seriously, she smokes and says F*** at every possible juncture of her life...scolds her mother and all taht..so i mean what's up with taht..i guess purity is something that cannot be retrived once lost....so hmm...something to ponder....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

.....

yo yo...haha...been watching ms swan recently..haha..on youtube and all but she is sooooooooo funny....he lookkk.....a like....a man!!!! That's all she says and "i tell you everything" like ahahahah...super funny....go youtube and search k? promise me...i'm sure it will bring smiles to you...haha...

These two days have honestly been nothing short of tormentous..i seriously think that i have gone crazy over something seemingly minor, but the longer it drags on the more i am going beserk..i guess it is just the stress of the examinations and all..but then again maybe not....who knows..but whatever it is i have not done much work over the past few days...oh well...seeing as i am going to screw up my exams anyway..wth...not that i am not going to try...

I guess i have given up on tryin to find the root cause of the prob..perhaps it is just beyond me this time...but i guess normacy is the next best alternative and i can hope for, not sure why but this thing is just weird, honestly i can think of no reason for such a reaction, was it something i did, or did not do for that matter..who knows...who cares anymore..not that i could even if i wanted too...i know i sound really silly and all that and maybe i am blowing things way out of proportion here but i dont know, blame it on being over sensitive i guess...just hope everything returns to normal...just give me that little chance all i ask, i promise i will never bring it up...just give an answer..pls i beg you...acceed to my stupid request...as i said before, i rather be stabbed in the chest(metephorically of course) then without the knowledge of what killed me...i respect the privacy of others to keep their problems to themselves and i think it is their right...but i guess i am just insecure in that i need to know, i dont like uncertainty especially in this area...when i feel that i concerns me...forgive me...

REcently i have had this sudden, for a lack of a better word, craving for welsh music, i guess they are simple and soothing in words and melody and this is really comforting..they also deal with problems of leaving etc..and i more importantly they have a certain hopeful yet sad timbre about them..what ever that means...i guess not that i am sure about anything anymore...

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

confused...alone....i wish i was in carrickfergus...

yo, guys..what's up...hahah..nothing really..but today's phy paper was unique in that i found it difficult to ascertain whether i did well or not..it was just...like that lor...cant believe it but oh well who cares most importantly i tried my utmost best...i guess i have my excuses if i want but i am not goin to take them as reasons to justify myself...i could have turned to my advantage by using it to motivate me...but i screwed it up my self....so what the heck...enough of that...

Ytd's turn of events was totally unexpected, today's as well..i certainly am not one to decorate my words with fancy conotations and manipulate the nuances..so here is the plain truth for what it is.....i have no idea what to say anymore...as i dont know when i will step on someone's toes or something..haiz..but i guess when you talk too much the probability of getting it wrong is higher...then again..confusion..i really dont know when and how to phrase my words and position my actions liao..having a social life stinks...to those involved you know what i mean...please enlighten me....or whatever lah...worst thing is i have not idea who the heck to ask...i mean like who can i turn to without offending yet another person..plus the more ppl involved means the more explaining i have to do...tired i am...near breaking point i am...and this is really the last thing i need...not now..not ever...

what ever lah....i guess i am just being silly and emo again which is like haiz...but honestly...with no one to share it with i guess here would be the best place, after all blogs are supposedly the window to our soul...or at least ideally they are....

Just wish i was in carrickfergus where i can be free of all these pressures and more importantly be home where i belong...where there will be meadows where i can roll all day...where i can be myself...where i can just do what i want...

I wish I was in Carrickfergus
Where the castle looks out to sea.
I would swim over the deepest ocean
For my love to be with me.
But the sea is wide and I can not swim over
Nor have I the wings to fly
I wish I had a handsome boatman,
To ferry me over, my love and I.

I wish I was in the land of Arak,
Where the mountains reach the sea.
Where flowers blossom as I do remember.
Where my true love came to me.
But the sea is wide and I can not swim over.
Nor have I the wings to fly.
Ahh to be back now in Carrickfergus
To be together .. my love and I.
To be together .. my love and I.
I wish I was in Carrickfergus,To be together my love and I.
I wish I was back home again...

the sea is really too wide this time....for humans at least...god you are my solace...father you are king over the flood.....i will be still and know that you are god...*smile*

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

PRelims...failure....but most importantly i realise i have so have many great friends..

Yo yo..hahaha...now is prelims i know i am suppose to be studying and all but i have the day off tml so cut me some slack k? haha...who cares what you think..anyway today flew by real quick cause i had two papers where i had to write my hand off...feel abit brain dead...haha...so sorry if my prose is not coherrent or anything. like who cares...

Anyway i have been a wee bit stressed up these few days with the pressure of prelims and all i guess cause i have not been studying hard lah..haiz..so lazy...what kind of person am i? ANyway cant get emo here because i would be letting all those ppl who bothered to support me down...i'll like to thank a certain someone for staying up with me till i fell asleep, really wouldnt have made it through the night without you...also like to thank my close family member...thanks for talking to me and giving me emotional support and all..cant really find the words to thank ya cause it will nvr be enough...thanks so much...Also to my good bud....thanks man...for being there to have a listening ear when i needed it most..haha...relax abt the prob...the feelings you are having are all part of growing up, you just happen to be experiencing them now..not a prob one you will make it through just like you have always made it through...know that i'll be there for you 24/7 haha...support ya...god will too...

k lah...must go mug my self to oblivion whatever that means...haha....


un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always..

really slack....haha.....when have i not been...thinking of stuff....

yo yo ppl of the world...hahah...second entry in as many days not that my bloggin impulse has returned but more my lack of social activities(due to my mugging) has compelled me to return to blogging..as i said ytd, nothing much has happened recently, or at least nothing much i can mention in general company, the thing is i have been so maxed out by the stresses of studying that i havent really had much time to do anything else, so msging has become my sole source of solace. Haiz...but that aside it has been a time where i have really thought abt alot of stuff, how we should treat ppl and how we should live our lives...

The thing is there are many schools of thought when it comes to dealing with ppl. I remember my chinese teacher in pri school once told me that chinese ppl are more dangerous then caucasians. Why? cause caucasians stab you in front, meaning that although seemingly more painful, it is also easier to avoid and there is a higher chance of survival. But chinese are more likely to, under the pretence of not wanting to hurt your feelings, poison your tea or stab you from the back when you least expect it. Of course, the truth is that many of the ppl in our lives now are either too dense or too ignorant to notice the difference. Even those silly ppl who try to play politics often fall short..i unfortunately have seen all too many ppl being like that...call it a loss of innocence if you may...the truth is ignorance is often not bliss, the fact that nothing is said in disagreement does not mean nothing is wrong.. that's the way it is..

Secondly, the issue of trusting god, i feel that having faith is knowing the odds are against you and still trusting god for it. It is certainly not to SWEEEP i t under the rug and say leave it to god's hands....hello.....no offence..hehe....

Anyway, lucky nvr go with my nephews to study...hahaha...sorry guys...but bet you all werent very productive..and at bugis??!!!! like oh my goodness...hahah.....but i guess msging was fun..it always is, and abt the best in the world thing..both of you are tied...but i think hor the 6 marks boy who always dao a certain someone is hmmm...how shall i put it....oh well just leave it hanging and let you rot in guilt....ahahahahahahah...kidding lah....dont let your fragile ego be destroyed...

k lah i have said enough, lastly, just like to apologise to a certain someone....really sry i disappointed you, i told you many times i am not perfect but oh well....sry had to put you through this...really hope you can forgive me...

study hard guys..sure can one....haha...or not, then you all can become the oldest choir members...haah...senior senior members...hahahahaha....

un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

TO some my blog is dead...to some its just hibernating....however that makes sense....

Yo yo...haha...recently been too lazy to blog and i guess most ppl have just gotten sian of taggin on a blog that has no life so..haha..oh well..but the thing is a blog is a personal reflection of oneself inner thoughts..so i guess if less ppl know the better..haha...oh well....

anyway, nothing has really been up lately and hence the lack of incentive to blog..been having tons of tution recently...effective but essentially mindsapping..slept 13 hrs ytd...as a result missed a routine of my...sorry...haha...just really tired...anyway...to reflect on a truly forgettable week, was that horror show of a concert..which teachers' day celebration includes a poetry reading act....?????like wth, i mean no offence but even the teachers were bored by that valiant but utimately futile effort at lyrical expression...haha....

Oh well, the only thing to look forward to is....hmm....NOTHING...i am like so lazy so i figure i'll flunk my prelims and get grounded for life...oh well..haiz....but what to do...too lazy....Recently i guess i have been too slack, haiz...life sucks..but still i must press on...even if not for myself..for god at least...

these pass few weeks have been quite a revelation for me...in a gd and bad way...the bad way first....i NEVER knew ppl like gerald, zkai, gwei and zy could be SOOOOOOOOOO GROSS!!!!!! like totally unexpected..but i guess the more you get to know a person the weirder the person gets...haha....well the gd part is that god has manifested his work even more evidently in my life and the lives of the ppl around me...hahah...JK is finaly listening in church although he is kinda using some parts in the wrong area....!!!!!!!(DNA...oh my...) yah the fact that now he bothers to come and to listen even though he is so tired from...who knows what...shows alot of his mental will..this is no doubt a sign from god...praise him for giving me the strength to press on in asking him to go to church..Secondly, to a certain someone..you may not know this..but i have seen god work in your life..when we first started talking you were so adament about god..rejecting his presence totally..but now, although you may be still in verbal denial, your actions prove otherwise...shant elaborate any further but i believe that there will be a breakthrough , because god loves you, even if you dont think so...

Finallly, just like to wish all the J2s the best of luck for your prelims, jia you k...not like you willl need it considering you muggers out there..to the J1s study hard and get promoted..wont retain one...retain also must let those with 6 marks retain first....hahah....you know who you are....no offence...ahhaha...gd luck and god bless...love all of you...


un dieu benissent toujours
may god bless you always...

shaun lee
rosyth
zhss
ajc
ajchoir
psalm 27:4

let my heartbeat be my heart's cry let me live to serve your call
in my life, Your will be done


.agnessa
.aloysius
.bevelry
.chinguan
.christabel
.gerald
.jeremy
.joey
.joseph
.peiyong
.qingwen
.saffie
.xianhui
.yingtong
.yuklum
.zhanyong
.zhengkai






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